Friendship Moments
by MeatBunFighter
Summary: Drabbles focusing on the glorious friendship between Kirito and Klein. WARNING-BAD LANGUAGE, SEXUAL THEMES
1. Chapter 1

Sword Art Online will always be remembered as one of the few anime in recent memory that had an ace as the protagonist. Of course, it's one of the many reasons why I enjoyed this show.

Anyway, this story (or more specifically a bunch of drabbles) is about Kirito's friendship with Klein, the hot-blooded, badass swordsman who was overshadowed by a bunch of other players (like Kirito) during the SAO arc. As everyone who knows, Klein is one of the first players who befriends Kirito in the series. Unfortunately, I never saw them interact much. As a guy who only watched the anime, the only time I saw them do much is episode one, the end of the SAO arc, and the final episode.

Thus, I decide to write this. Cool, right? Anyway, I'll stop talking. Just enjoy this 200-word chapter.

**DISCLAIMER - SWORD ART ONLINE DOESN'T BELONG TO ME NOR AM I AFFILIATED WITH IT. I'M JUST A GUY. THAT'S ALL. **

**GUNDAM FIIIII-  
**

**I MEAN... Have fun.**

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Friendship Moments

Chapter 1 – Relationship Talks

"I d-don't know…"

"Eh? Why not? Just grab her by the ass and say some Casanova lines!"

It was another day in reality. For Kazuto Kirigaya and Ryoutarou Tsuboi, it was another hangout at the Dicey Café. Once again, Ryoutarou was trying to give some "great" advice to Kazuto concerning his relationship with his girlfriend, Asuna.

"Are you sure you know how relationships work?" Kazuto asked questioningly as he placed his drink (orange juice to be exact) on the bar.

"Yeah, yeah! I know what I'm saying!" he smiled as he waved off his fellow ALO player's skepticism like it was nothing, "I had ten girlfriends in the past. I know how women work, ya know?"

"For some reason, I can't believe you," Kazuto frowned.

"Oh come on, Kaz!" he grinned ear to ear, "My name is Klein for a reason! It's an acronym!"

"What? You can't be serious."

"I am though! It stands for… Killing Ladies Ecstatically In Nimbleness!"

"I should call the police right now."

"Hoi! S-Stop staring at me like that! I get the ladies with 'swag' and swiftness."

"Your credibility is dead to me now."

"Come on! Uggggghh…" Ryoutarou groaned loudly, smashing his head on bar carelessly, "Agil, give me some sake! Kaz is being a hater right now!"

END.

* * *

Yeah. Short. Quick. Minimal. If I could, I would write more but that's for another time.

Moving on, if you guys haven't noticed, Ryoutarou Tsuboi is Klein's real name. Depending on where they are, I'll either use their real names or their online names. Take a note of that.

Sooo... I apologize for any grammatical errors and hopefully, I'll add more soon.

LATER!


	2. Chapter 2

Yosh. Sorry I'm so late. I'm pretty glad about the reviews and everything so thank you! Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy! Also, I'm sorry for any grammatical errors.

**DISCLAIMER - SWORD ART ONLINE WILL NEVER BE MINE NOR WILL I EVER BE AFFILIATED WITH IT. **

**GOOSH. GOOSH. GOOSH. GOOOOOOOOOOOO.**

* * *

Friendship Moments

Chapter 2 - Anime Talk

It was almost the weekend. Kazuto and Ryoutarou were unwinding themselves at the Dicey Café once again. With Sunday finally arriving, Kazuto couldn't wait for his date with his beloved Asuna. Because of it, Ryoutarou was once again subjected to his friend's relationship troubles. Lonely, depressed, and jealous, he decided to change the conversation as soon as he heard Asuna's name come out Kazuto's mouth.

"You watch anime, Kaz?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Wow. That's… surprising," Ryoutarou said in disbelief, "I mean, I thought your life revolved around school, games, and Asuna."

"I don't like how you're implying that Asuna is a thing," Kazuto frowned, "She's a girl."

"Sorry, sorry. Haha. I didn't mean it like that."

"Asuna is-"

"A girlfriend, lover, fiancée, amazing cook, sexy, sexy girl, remarkable blo-"

"Please don't say that last part out loud."

"Anyway, yeah. Just keep pouring salt on the wounds of a poor, poor virgin man."

"Haha. I apologize, Klein. I forgot how lonely you currently are."

Smashing his drink on the bar, Ryoutarou glared at him with a burning passion. Standing up, he pointed at him and exclaimed, "WELL, I GOT 2D! Oho. How do you like that?!"

"2-D? Heh…"

"What's with that sneer?! As you know, I have so many waifus, Kaz."

"Oh really now? Like who?"

"Like… Homu-chan!"

"What. Homu-chan…?"

"YES! HOMU-CHAN! She's the sexiest middle school girl I have ever seen."

"You're making yourself look like a pedophile. Stop. Everyone is watching you."

"My love for Homu-chan can never be stopped."

"I don't even want a description of her."

"You deny my feelings for Homu-chan, Kaz?! I thought we were friends!"

"I can't believe you have feelings for a 2-D middle school girl."

"She can totally kick your ass on GGO. She summons guns out of her ass."

"She's not real so that claim is completely invalid."

"You're hurting my feelings."

"Homu-chan will never-"

"Oh yeah! That reminds me. Have you ever seen Accel World?"

"Accel what…?"

"Accel World. It's about middle school child-"

"I can't talk to you anymore."

"HOLD ON! Kaz, I think you should watch it."

"What? Why? So I can get into your sick pleasure of watching cute middle school girls too?"

"NO! I think… it tells the future."

"Now you're being crazy."

"I'm not lying! Watch it!"

"...Are you really being serious?"

"That show depicts your future child in a battle to find the truth."

"What."

"She will have your hair color and a combination of yours and Asuna's eye color."

"I feel like I can really believe you..."

"Your daughter will fall in love with a fat kid."

"This is outrageous."

"I'm not. You should see the sex stories about her! The doujinshi are pretty good too."

"AGIL! CAN WE BAN KLEIN FROM THIS PLACE?!"

END.

* * *

Two references: one implicit and another explicit.

Dope, right? One reference (HOMU-CHAN) is from Puella Magi Madoka Magica, one of the most popular anime shows as of right now. You don't know how much fanart has spawned because of that damn show. It's pretty amazing though. Watch it if you guys ever have the chance.

Second is... Well, duh. It's Accel World. Once again, the popular theory springs up. The main heroine of Accel World, Kuroyukihime, is actually the daughter of Kirito and Asuna. It's still a theory though. There's no explicit canonical evidence to support the statement. Nonetheless, Accel World is another great show to watch. Made by Sunrise, the animators of Gundam. The action gets wild and mega cools (which is to no surprise). And the protagonist is physically unique.

(Pssssst. I wrote a fanfic about Accel World, which is an actual sex fic. Completely hilarious in hindsight if you think about what Klein said.)

I apologize for the spoiler though. GGO is short for Gun Gale Online, the next game Kirito hears about in the next arc of Sword Art Online. I'll stop from there.

OH CRAP. One last thing. Doujinshi is like... a Japanese term for self-publicized fan works in the form of manga and stuffs. In other words, they're physically visualized fanfics. But doujinshi is not only that. Doujinshi can range from novels, games, and other things as well. Take note that doujinshi can even depict sex and other racy things.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I once again apologize for any mistakes.

Later!


	3. Chapter 3

Hi, guys. My bad. I was supposed to post this up a couple days ago. Oh well, at least I'm posting this now.

Enjoy and I apologize for any grammatical errors.

**DISCLAIMER - AS USUAL, I DON'T OWN THIS SERIES NOR AM I AFFILIATED WITH IT IN. **

**1.  
**

**2.  
**

**LAAAAUUUUNNNCCHHH.**

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Friendship Moments

Dance Talk

"So on Saturday, the school is holding a ball."

"Eh? A ball? As in dancing?"

It was another chilly day at the Dicey Café for Kazuto and Ryoutarou. It was finally December and the holiday lights were scattered everywhere in the city. Andrew Gilbert Mills, owner of the Dicey Café and better known as Agil, decorated his café in a Christmas-y way, covering the perimeter of the interior with red and green lights and putting a pine tree at a corner.

"Yeah. Since it's almost Christmas, the staff decided to hold a Christmas dance at school. Considering that the staff also wants to make sure our muscles won't atrophy ever again, this would be a great chance to kill two birds with one stone," Kazuto shrugged as he grabbed his hot chocolate, "You should have gotten this, Klein. It's really delicious."

"Beer is a man's best friend, Kaz," Ryoutarou argued as he started to chug his drink, "Ahhh! Beer is the best. Too bad you're not legal yet. Anyway, what are you going to do?"

"Huh? About the dance? Ask out Asuna. Isn't that obvious?"

"No. No. Not that. I mean about your outfit!"

"Oh. Wear bl-"

"You better not wear black."

"W-What? I-I was going to say… blue."

"Lies! I know you, Kaz. You were going to say black! I swear, you need a whole new wardrobe."

"Bu-"

"Oh! How about I help you buy some new clothes? You need a new spectrum of colors like pink, orange, indigo… The whole damn rainbow would work!"

"C-Can you even comprehend what you're saying?!"

"Yeah… Yeah! Then, we'll buy some suspenders for you… and white shoes."

"I can't believe you're saying this to me."

"Shit! We also got to buy you some cologne! The lemony scents always get the girls wet."

"What?!"

"You shave, right?"

"What does this have to do with anything?!"

"What kind of deodorant do you use? It better not be the crappy kind."

"I ca-"

"Girls hate guys who have hairy chests, you know? Oh! How about below there?"

"I'm not answering that question."

"I feel bad for Asuna if she ever blew you. Just imagine… Her going down that base and all she can sniff is the smell emanating from your pubes."

"This is sexual harassment."

"How about those butt hairs?"

"I AM LEAVING. BYE KLEIN."

"Wait! You forgot to tip Agil! Kaz!"

Hearing the entrance door slam, Ryoutarou sighed and stared at the abandoned hot chocolate. "…I'm not paying for that."

END.

* * *

Trust me. I won't ever make such indecent, graphic sentences again. It's just that... the situation called for it... I guess?

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this.

BYE.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi. Hi. Hi. My bad for such the late updates. I slowly started to lose ideas for this story. Fortunately, after many conversations and laughs with my buddies, I understood what I had to do. So enjoy this!

And I apologize for any grammatical mistakes.

**DISCLAIMER - DO NOT OWN SAO.**

* * *

Friendship Moments

Clothing Talk

"Hey, Kaz…" Ryoutarou started, "I have a question."

"Eh? What's wrong?" Kazuto looked at him in wonder.

It's a slow day at the Dicey Café. It's past six and it's starting to turn dark for today. As usual, the owner's favorite customers were at the bar having their own strange little conversations.

"It's about your apparel. I mean… not to offend you or anything but do you own anything else except black?"

"I have gray."

"That's a damn shade of black, Kaz."

"I have white."

"Don't you have pink or anything?!"

"Eh? Pink isn't attractive."

"FOR GOO- Kaz. Have you noticed that male heroes never wear anything else except dark colors?"

"Huh? N-No… I guess not."

"THAT'S THE PROBLEM! We need heroes wearing a whole new palette of colors."

"I don't think that's possible…"

"Yes it is. Kaz, imagine… A hero wearing a magenta jumpsuit as he elegantly jumps through the sky… Swan dive. Boom. Beauty."

"This is why I will never go shopping with you."

"THEN! All the women approach him with their breasts flailing all over the place because his herculean muscles are protruding through his tantalizing magenta outfit…"

"And you wonder why women get away from you as soon as possible in real life."

"Hoi. Why doesn't Asuna ever ask you about your clothes?"

"Because she loves me the way I am."

"But you look so… dreary. I wonder how you can get the girls."

"Asuna is the on-"

"PLEASE! Enough with Asuna… My heart can't take any more of this."

"That reminds me… I have another da-"

"AGIL! DO YOU SELL VODKA HERE?!"

"Oh yeah. I also had this really nice Christmas dinner with-"

"AGIL HURRY!"

END.

* * *

Because of the lateness of the update, I have added like... two other chapters to this.

I'm such a great guy.

K. Bye.


	5. Chapter 5

See. Second update because I'm cool.

**DISCLAIMER - DO NOT OWN SAO.**

* * *

Friendship Moments

Date Talks

"Hm… I wonder where Klein is…"

Kazuto was sitting alone at the bar on a late Saturday night. After another glorious date with his beloved Asuna, he came to the Dicey Café to meet with Ryoutarou. Unfortunately, even though he was mentally prepared with his buddy's debriefing, the only people in were Agil himself and a couple regulars.

Sipping on his soda, Kazuto jumped in surprise from the sudden entrance of Ryoutarou Tsuboi. Slamming the door, Ryoutarou pitifully walked toward Kazuto. His shoulders were slouched, the movement of his feet was graceless, and his facial expression was that of a tiresome office worker.

Plopping his butt onto his seat clumsily, Ryoutarou slammed his face into the bar's surface. "AGGIIIILLLLLLLLLL," he groaned, "RUM AND COLA, SAKE, AND VODKA, PLEEEEEAASSSEEE."

Kazuto raised an eyebrow at his fellow companion and asked, "What's wrong, Klein?"

"FUUUUUUUUUUCKK YOU, KAZ. GOOOO SEX ASUNA."

"Ah… Did something happen on the way here?"

Ryoutarou mumbled.

"What?"

Mumble. Mumble.

"Speak louder, Klein…"

"I GOT STOOD UP."

"Whoa… I-"

"I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY!"

"But… You're depressed."

"THEN HOLD ME!"

"W-What?!"

"HOLD ME TIGHTLY AND NEVER LET ME GO!"

"K-Klein! You're making a scene again! OH G-"

TO BE CONTINUED.

* * *

So... I decided to continue this because Klein never gets any love. This will be...

THE HEARTBREAK ARC.

Sounds cool, right?

Well, I don't think so.

Okay! On to the next one!


	6. Chapter 6

THIRD UPDATE IN A DAY. WOMP. WOMP. WOOOOOOO!

**DISCLAIMER - I OWN NOTHING BUT THE SWAG.**

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Friendship Moments

Thug Talks

After the whole fiasco with Ryoutarou last night, Kazuto decided to meet up with him again at the Dicey Café. Since it has been about a day ever since the incident, Ryoutarou should be calmer now.

Unfortunately, Kazuto couldn't help but facepalm at what he saw at the door.

Ryoutarou Tsuboi entered the café with black sagging pants, an oversized, red jersey jacket with a huge R embroidered on the right breast, gold and red high-top sneakers, and a navy bandanna wrapped around the top of his head.

Waddling like a penguin, Ryoutarou approached his usual seat lazily. Slouching, he ordered his usual before turning to Kazuto. "Ayo! Agil! Homie, gimme a beer!"

"Ryoutarou?"

"Whaddup, son?"

"Why are you wearing that?"

"I'm in da thug life, Kaz. You like da doo-rag?" He smirked as he pointed at his headpiece. "Looks fresh, huh?"

"What happened to you within 24 hours?"

"I was watchin' a music video from Canye East, the rappa from America, ya know? I got motivated 'cuz East don't take shit from da bitches."

"What."

"So like, I'm not goin' take no shit from da bitches too ,you know whadda mean?! I'm gunna start rappin' too. My moniker goin' be… K-Drizzle 'cuz I'm gunna to make it drizzle on those hoes."

"I'm… speechless."

"My swag too high to be rated. That's why."

TO BE CONTINUED.

* * *

Canye East...

Guess who? Yeah. Kanye West.

It's a reference. Haha. GET IT?!

I don't.

Anyway, as you know, Klein has transformed into a gangster because he's too fresh to be stood up now.

What shall happen NEXT?

Okay. Well, that's it for now!

I apologize for any grammatical errors!

NOW.

THEN.

BYE.


	7. Chapter 7

As all you don't know, I created this arc in this collection of drabbles because I was inspired by three things: GTA: San Andreas (which I started playing again since Sunday), my love for rap & hip-hop, and a certain Kuroko's Basketball fanfic about a character immersing himself in the thug life. For those Kuroko lovers, the fic is called _But I'm not a rapper_ by mamakashi. Thanks to the individual, I was able to get more ideas on what I should write about.

Yay.

Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy and I apologize for any errors or offenses. Also, this one is dedicated to KageFuego4 because the guy is the only person who gave me the power to make another chapter since I've updated (have some invisible astral goats and a plaudit for your effort, man).

**DISCLAIMER - I DON'T OWN SAO. IF I DID, KLEIN WOULD BE A RAPPER, AGIL WOULD BE AN FBI AGENT, KIRITO WOULD OWN A DOG, AND ASUNA WOULD BE CHEATING ON KIRITO WITH SUGOU (just kidding with that last part).**

* * *

Friendship Moments

Sportsmanship Talks

"Ayo! Look at my swaaaaaaagggg!"

Today was great day for Kirito and Klein to play some ALO. Since Klein had a day-off today and Kirito finished his homework early (and Asuna wasn't able to spend time with him), they decided to meet up on the fairy game. However, ever since his sudden transformation, Klein has been getting into PvP matches frequently.

"Oh shit! Look! Look, foo! FIRE!"

Kirito could only watch as his fellow friend blasted his opponent with a huge fireball. After the magic attack, he saw Klein flying in circles around his opponent, headbutting the poor guy in the back and speeding off to mess around with him once again.

"I DOOOOOO IT FOOOOR MY CIIITTTYYYY!" Klein hollered as he rammed his head into the opposition's back again. "RAWRR RAWRRR, BUSTA! RAWWWRRRR! YOU CAAAAN'T TOUCH THIS!" Klein then laughed and flew away as he stuck the middle finger at the player.

Due to the horrible sportsmanship from Klein, Kirito remembered how he complained about the many times he got flagged by other players.

"ENJOYIN' MY BURNIN' BALLS?! FEEL THEM UP YO ASS!"

Kirito could only frown at his friend's thuggish personality now. Because of it, he reached new heights of ass-ery.

Within some more minutes, Klein won the battle with ease. Seeing his opponent approach him with a hand outreached toward him, he shook his head. "Get that shit out of my sight, busta. I dun wanna shake no hands with a weak ass mo'fuckah." Slapping it away, Klein scoffed and flew away. Kirito could only sigh as he flew with him.

"Hey… Come on. He was just showing some respect."

"I'm based, Kaz."

"What."

"Damn. I needa yolo a couple. Ayo, homie. Come with me. There's dis underground rap circle up near the Yaadizzil."

"I can't comprehend anything you're saying."

"The World Tree! Don't be a busta, Kaz. I'm tryna articulate with da best of mah abilities."

"I didn't even know that such a place existed."

"Yee. Yee. I know, right? Only the hardest of thugs get in there. Like… You got to be as hard as Infamous L.I.T. and Snoop Cat."

"I don't even know who those are."

"I'm finna cement my name in ALO's Hall of Rappers, Kaz."

Moments later, Kirito and Klein entered the slums of the Arun, the capital of Alfheim. Walking, they saw a large crowd of shoddy characters in a circle howling and screaming energetically.

Suddenly, Kirito realized that Klein seriously needed help.

TO BE CONTINUED.

* * *

So two allusions. Infamous L.I.T. is an allusion to Notorious B.I.G. and Snoop Cat is... well, Snoop Dog.

Also, if some people didn't know, YOLO is an acronym meaning "You Only Live Once" popularized by the rapper Drake. And based... well, go on Urban Dictionary for an explanation.

Lately, I've been hearing that Reki Kawahara, the author of SAO and Accel World, is going to be at this year's Sakura-con. If someone get me an autographed picture of him, I'll pay them $50. Haha.

Is there anything else I need to say? I don't think so. Well, thanks for reading, folks. Later.


	8. Chapter 8

Yo, homies. Ahem. I apologize for such the late chapter. Lately, I've been listening to rap music in order to emulate the disses and wit that are utilized in each song. Okay. Not really. But I have been listening to tons of rap lately! Pharcyde, Gang Starr, Eazy-E, Da Lench Mob, Masta Ace...

Wait. This is all the old stuff. The old stuff is always good though. Haha.

I've just been lazy, so I apologize to my readers. I've started to play Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice lately so I've procrastinating on a lot of things: research papers, books, this fanfic...

Speaking of this fanfic, this chapter is unusually long compared to the others. I tried my hardest to create four (or was it three...?) verses of rap. The rhyme scale is pretty simplistic though. It's just in AABB.

Anyway, here's the fanfic. Enjoy it. And I apologize for the grammatical errors.

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SAO. IF I DID, SACHI WOULD BE ALIVE AND WELL SO SHE COULD BECOME THE DAMN YANDERE OF THE SHOW.**

* * *

Friendship Moments

Rap Talks

"Ja tink ja gangsta?"

A tanned player with dreads and sunglasses approached Klein and Kirito, tilting his head up and walking lazily as if he was trying to be tough.

"What, yo? You tryna scur us?" Klein asked menacingly, closing the gap between him and the other guy.

"Punk ass, foo. I'll glock you with my knife."

Klein could feel the player's virtualized breath as he spoke.

"Guys, stop," Kirito interjected with a sigh. "My friend, Klein, just wanted to check out this place."

"Che' out?" the player scoffed as he backed off from Klein. "No one che' outs dis place without getting hurt. You see, dis place is where gangstas battle ta see who's da most lethalest, hardest, dopest mo'fuckah in ALO."

"Yo, yo. That's me," Klein exclaimed with a smirk.

"Really? Ya seem like a bitch ta me."

"I ain't no busta. I'm da realest thug out 'ere. I'm from da streets, man. Been killing weak ass tricks since I been trapped in Sword Arr Online."

"Wait. Ya a survivor from SAO? You lyin'."

"I know da difficulties and travesties, man. Been fighin' boars and piranhas since 2022. I'm like… da speaker of truth. A griot. A… fuckin' warrior poet. I convey the players' hopes and experiences to my words, yo."

"I smell a pussy ass flower in 'ere, homies," the sunglasses player hollered, getting attention of the other hoodlums and gangsters. "It smells putrid, like a soggy ass taco with lots of tartar sauce."

Suddenly, everyone started to surround Klein and Kirito, forming a circle with them in the center. "Oh hell no," Kirito whispered harshly under his breath.

"Ya think ya shit is poppin', bitch?" the player threatened Klein, shoving him a few inches. "Go then. Go fuckin' ball like the rapper ya been articulatin' to us."

"Watch, punk trick. Once I'm dun, you finna be gapin' like a fish ready to swallow dis dick," Klein smirked. "Yo. Someone drop a beat."

Another tanned player emerged out of the circle. With a yellow jersey, a nicely shaved head, and green baggy pants, the player put hands over his mouth and started beatboxing.

"Yee. Yee. Dope beat, brotha," Klein said, bumping his head to the sound. Clearing his throat, he started.

_Jo. Jo. _

_I'm flamin'. I'm flamin'._

_Yee. Yee. _

_I'm a player. _

_Are you a horse? _

_Cuz all I hear you naaaaayyy-eeerrrr. _

_Fuck with me, _

_Prepare to get Hepatitis B._

_I see you twitchin' . _

_Oh. Wait. Y'all hear that. That's the sound of his pussy sprinklin'. _

_What's my name? K-Drizzle. _

_Now 'ere's my nig, Kirito, and he's 'bouta make it sizzle. _

Out of the blue, all the eyes went on Kirito's still form, whispering about the legendary Black Swordsman who unexpectedly entered their ranks.

"Crap," the young man in black could only mumble. "Uh…"

Looking back and forth to the crowd, Klein, the beatboxer, and the sunglasses man, he sputtered as he moved his hands in a gangster-ish manner.

_I am Kirito… yo._

_I can beat players like a… tidal flow._

_You… right in front of me._

_I beat people like you like I drink green tea. _

_Yeah. Yeah. Uh. Uh._

_I am cool. _

_And you are just a fool. _

_Ha… Ha…_

Kirito chuckled nervously as he heard everyone boo and shout, "Shit's whack."

"Maaaan, y'all dun know what good rap is anymo'. Y'all fuckin' deaf ass foos," Klein shouted angrily. "Me and Kirito been slicin' bitches and bustas since SAO came out. Like-"

"Did y'all hear yo'selves? Shit was like shit. Ya know? The kind where it's all brown with corn shit embedded in 'em. Fuuuuuuck. I did'n kno if was monkeys was howlin' or if dat was like y'all moanin' in bed," Sunglasses laughed wildly.

"Ooooooh's" and "Ooooooh shit's" wailed from the crowd, sounding like they were crazed hyenas.

"'Specially from K-Man 'imself. Fuck, I knew you were a bitch, but this was toooooo much. Ahaahahaha. What would happen if yo wifey saw this? Shiiiit would 'bouta break loose on dat American show, Cheaters, cuz once I drop dis, she woulda be all over me in a millisecond."

Kirito froze, feeling a cold sweat trickle down his back. His bleeding heart was beating wildly, unable to accept that outcome from the player in front of him.

"What da fuck, man?!" Klein roared furiously. "You takin' dis shit too far."

"Ya tink I'm takin' dis too far? I told ya. Ya don't get out witout gettin' hurt. Look at Kiri-ho. He looks like he's bouta sniffle. While he's breakdown, I finna drop dis, dedicated to dis weak-ass hero in front of me."

The beatboxer started.

"_I beat players like I drink green tea."_

_Dis nigga's mouth needa amputee._

_I can't believe what I just heard._

_Because Kiri-ho's rhyme sounded like me takin' a turd. _

_Dis bitch thinks he's hella raw._

_Just cuz he has Asuna, ya? _

_She needs a lesson in anatomy._

_I mean, I heard that Kiri-ho's small dick is an abnormality. _

_She needa get a thug like me. _

_Cuz her happiness is a guarantee. _

_Once I break her, her mind, body, and soul finna be mine. _

_And by the end, her hoe name is gunna be Ass-una. Man. That's the bottom line. _

Everyone cheered for the player.

"That rhyme was so fucking sick!"

"OHHHHH MY GOOOOOOODDDD! KIRITO GOT RAMMED!"

"SHIIIIITTTT! WE NEEDA COMMEMORATIVE VIDEO OF DIS!

Klein felt his stomach flip over a thousand times. He felt sick. He couldn't believe that this was happening. Turning towards his fellow friend, he knew he was going to see tears. But…

Kirito was blank, as blank as a newly bought canvas.

Klein was about to say something, but Kirito walked forward. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming, causing his entire will to be crushed along with his voice.

"What?!" the sunglasses man glared. "You wanna say sorry or shit?!"

Suddenly, he felt an immense pain erupt from his gut. A sword was stuck inside him.

"WHAT THE FUUUUCCCK?! I THOUGHT THAT SHIT WAS AGAINST THE RULES?!"

Everyone started screaming. Meanwhile, before the sunglasses man was Kirito. He was unimaginably heated. He seriously looked like he was going to slaughter someone.

Gripping his blade out of the guy's gut, Kirito mercilessly pierced the player's crotch. Everyone silently watched in fear. Even Klein gulped as he watched his friend do the impossible.

_I'M FUCKING GOD._

_WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU? A FUCKING FRAUD. _

_LOOK AT YOU, WALLOWING IN FEAR. _

_YOU'RE CROSSED A FRONTIER._

_YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT ASUNA. _

_Now let me drop a beat. Nah nah nah. _

_You think my voice sounds like a turd? _

_Bitch, my voice sounds like a beautiful bird. _

_Women cream when they listen to my voice. _

_Unfortunately for them, I will never make them my choice. _

_However, they still make themselves my mistresses._

_I even make their vaginas whistle from distances. _

_You're just a bumpkin. _

_I wouldn't even carve you in a pumpkin. _

_A fucking bug. A goddamn hindrance. _

_So go fap to those hoes with loose ass vaginas. Good riddance. _

_All of y'all other delinquents._

_Get a fucking job. Everyone outside is watching y'all in grimace. _

_Trolls, bustas, tricks, fools. _

_That's what y'all are. So I'm finna jet cuz I needa have my nightly session with Asuna. You see, I save over a month of fuel. _

_But anyway, let's go, Klein. Let these bustas cry in their sleep. _

_I just reminded them that they're a garbage heap. _

_Oh. And just a reminder, I defeated two game masters. _

_So what does that make you? A fucking disaster. _

Glaring vehemently at the sunglasses player, Kirito swiftly pulled out his blade from his crotch and placed it in its sheath.

With a smirk, Kirito said, "Who's gangster now?'

Kirito walked off. Klein jogged next to, using his entire arm to grip him closer to him. "I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD SPIT LIKE THAT!"

"S-Stop, Klein. Y-Your face is too c-close."

"That was too raw, breh."

"C-Can't… b-breath…"

Sunglasses man and the rest could only stare mindlessly at the sky.

That day, the Arun slums never stayed the same ever again.

TO BE CONTINUED.

* * *

AHHHHH. Done. Yay. By the way, here are my responses to my lovely reviewers. I felt their love emanating from their comments so here's my love coming right back:

The Man: I like how you remember me from my Accel World fic. That was pretty swag. Haha. I'm glad you're enjoying this fic so thanks for the review, The Man. So I hope you get a great-looking sedan (see what I did there?!).

Viamayisa: I sometimes think I'm make Klein a bit... OOC. Haha. But I see Klein as a crazy bastard, especially when he interacts with Kirito IRL. But I love that you love Klein. :D

NekoEXE: I LOVE YOU TOO. YOU'RE FANTASTIC TOO. YOUR NAME IS FANTASTIC. THOSE CAT EARS IN YOUR PROFILE PICTURE ARE FANTASTIC TOO. AHHHHH. I'll keep going with this as much as I can.

blue-espeon: Man... If you die, then I lose a faithful follower of this fic. That would be pretty heartbreaking. Haha, but I'm glad that you find this fic funny. You see, I used to be really bad at comedy. Like... Totally bad. I used to depend heavily on slapstick because I thought excruciating pain was funny. Unfortunately, I think I used it so much that people started to hate my comedic attempts. Anyway, here's your gift. Another chapter to this story. Laugh at my attempt at rhyming. I think I used too many "fucks" though.

KageFuego04: Can we be homies? Haha. I love your compliments. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So I'll keep up the good work. In all honestly, I don't want to end this fic any time soon. It's fun writing about two homies interacting with one another. Unfortunately, I never see any good ones here in the SAO section. People often write about their OCs immersing themselves in SAO or something. I don't know. Blah. But I really wanted to write a fic about Klein and Kirito because you barely see them interact in a one. If Kirito's in it, most likely he'll be interacting with his girls. I'm just babbling now. Thank you for the review and especially, thank you for reading this.

And thank you everyone else for reading this.

Later!


	9. Chapter 9

Yo. Here's another chapter. It's filled with love and happiness. I apologize for any grammatical errors.

**DISCLAIMER - I DO NOT OWN SAO NOR AM I AFFILIATED WITH IT. IF I OWNED SAO, KIRITO WOULD OWN A GOAT IN THE BACK OF HIS HOME.**

* * *

Friendship Moments

Change Talks

It's been a week since the ALO Rap incident. Even since then, Kazuto has been bombarded by rumors of him rapping and hacking the system while he was at school.

"Dude. Did you hear?! Kirigaya-san punctured this guy's gut without asking for a PvP match!"

"I heard that he was rapping in the Arun slums!"

"I heard he was dicking someone!"

"I bet it was Asuna!"

Unfortunately, for Kazuto, the rumors started to muddle the truth of what actually happened. Multiple rumors started to center on his cheating heart. As a result, his beloved Asuna started to avoid him inside and outside school.

Amidst his depression, Kazuto started to heavily drink fruit juices at the Dicey Café. With his head on the cold surface of the bar, he couldn't help but mope about the recent developments of his relationship.

"Asunaaaaaaaaaaaa," he moaned. "Why do you got to act like this?"

It was another night for him and another night without Ryoutarou.

Ryoutarou has been nowhere to be seen. Even Agil doesn't know where the brown-haired man was. Kazuto tried to call and even got on ALO, but his actions were futile. It was like he disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Lethargically getting up and drinking his juice, Kazuto couldn't help but chug the entire thing down. Smashing the glass down, he yelled, "AGIL! ORANGE JUICE, PLEASE!"

Then, he heard the entrance door open and close.

He ignored it, laying his head on bar again.

"Kaz! You can't be sleeping! I need to show you this!"

Kazuto was being shaken. He didn't care who it was. He wanted to be left alone.

"Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Yo, man! You must see my monumental achievement!"

Groaning in agitation, he got from the bar and turned to see…

"Klein?"

Kazuto's irritated expression dissipated to see Ryoutarou sitting with a smile. His thuggish clothes were completely gone. It seemed like he got out of work, considering he was wearing a suit and tie. His red bandanna was once again on his head. That dreaded doo-rag was thankfully nowhere in sight.

Shifting his eyes a bit, Kazuto could see a blushing woman next to his companion. With red-rimmed glasses, long russet curled hair, cherry red lips, dark brown eyes, a white blouse, and a black pencil skirt, he was wondering why this gorgeous female was with his boorish, brute of a friend.

"Did you blackmail her?" Kazuto said indifferently, pointing at the woman.

"What. WH-WH-WHAT?!" Klein exploded. "WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!"

"Hey, Miss," Kazuto smiled politely, ignoring Ryoutarou's outburst. "You know, my friend here is a two-bit thug. Every day, he wreaks chaos and causes suffering in the form of rap. Then, he reaps the benefits by spitting on the weak-"

"HEY! STOP! YOU'RE GIVING HER A HORRIBLE IMAGE OF ME!"

"-and he yells so much that his own voice emanates the sound of a lonely man fapping to a glowing computer screen."

"…Kazuto."

"Yeah?"

"SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND! WHY… WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH THINGS TO HER?!"

"Wait. What."

He looked at Ryoutarou and then the woman next to him. Then him. Then her. Him again. Her again. "I'm sorry," Kazuto smiled again. "You see, Ryoutarou-san gets pretty delusional. I can't believe he would have the audacity to even claim that a beautiful woman like you is his girlfriend."

"STOP FLIRTING WITH HER! WHAT ARE YOU?! A FRIEND? OR JUST A TRAITOR?!"

"Why are you lying, Klein?"

"WHY ARE YOU DOUBTING ME?!"

Then suddenly…

"Hehe… I never thought that Ryou-chan's close friend would be such a jester."

Ryoutarou's "girlfriend" giggled like crazy.

"AHHH! SHE LAUGHED! THE ANGELIC SOUNDS OF A GODDESS HAS JUST BEEN BESTOWED UPON THIS LOWLY CROWD!" Ryoutarou cried, covering his mouth in astonishment.

"Ryou-chan, stop acting dumb. Hehe. Everyone is watching us."

"Oh. Yeah. Ah… Kaz. This is my girlfriend, Ayaka Kobayashi. She's a co-worker of mine," he introduced nervously, scratching his head in the process. "Oh! And Ayaka, this is Kazuto Kirigaya. He's a great friend of mine I met online."

"Really?" Kazuto said in disbelief. "This woman – Kobayashi-san – is your girlfriend?"

"Mhm. I'm Ryou-chan's girlfriend. We've been going out for a couple days though. Hehe… It was so odd. He just came up to my desk and asked me if I was free."

"Stop, Ayaka! You're embarrassing me!" Klein blushed, grinning ear-to-ear.

"Hehe," she giggled again. "I never thought that you were such a gentleman. I still remember the time someone tried to flirt with me at the sushi restaurant… You were so cool. You just stood between me and him and rapped. I can still remember the words you said."

Clearing her throat, she recited his rap with hand gestures and arm movements.

"_Yo. Yo._

_You can't take her. _

_So I'm going to be a saboteur. _

_I want her. _

_So beat it before I make you into buffalo fur._

_She's valued at over the rarest diamonds. _

_You're just an alley cat, cited in crappiest jeremiads. _

_My love can never be rivaled. _

_The words you say are recycled. _

_So go away, _

_Before I make your ass a fillet._"

She cleared her throat again before smiling again. "After that, he couldn't believe what he said and ran away."

"Haha! It was so embarrassing! And then, the moment I heard her screaming my name, I turned around and found her kissing me."

Kazuto was speechless. He couldn't believe that Ryoutarou's "thuggish" personality actually worked. Thinking of it, he wondered if he was still in that mentality.

"Klein," Kazuto started. "Are you still acting like a thug?"

"Eh?" Ryoutarou stared at him. "Of course not. I stopped after the Arun incident."

"What happened to the thug life?"

"Pah! The thug life can go to hell. If it means that my buddy needs to be hurt in the process, it doesn't mean shit to me," Klein smirked.

Kazuto stared at him in awe. This entire week was more or less hell for him. The rumors. The questions. Asuna. Now this happened. The accumulated depression welled inside him was almost to his emotional breaking point and to top it all off was one of the biggest heartwarming things that Ryoutarou ever said to him. It was like the Black Cats incident all over again.

"Kaz? Are you crying?" Ryoutarou asked. "You need a tissue?"

"N-No," Kazuto sniffled. "Not at all. I just need some juice again."

"Where's Agil, by the way?"

"In the back, I think he's concocting something. I've been waiting on my orange juice for a while now."

"Well, good thing we're here then!" Ryoutarou laughed cheerfully. "AGIL! WE NEED RUM AND COLA! AND BRING US SOME SAKE TOO! AND DON'T FORGET ABOUT KAZ'S KIDDY DRINK!"

Kazuto chuckled.

"Oh yeah! Ayaka, take a seat! We have tons of stories to tell," Ryoutarou grinned, patting the seat next to him.

She laughed heartily due to Ryoutarou's excitable reactions. "Hehe. Of course. Why don't you talk about those SAO stories that you're dying to talk about?"

"Of course! Well Kaz and I-"

Watching Ryoutarou and his new girlfriend caused a bubbling emotion of envy to rise up to Kazuto's stomach. But despite it, he smiled. Ryoutarou deserved this. He deserved this happiness.

"And then, whoa! I saved him from the boar!"

"That is not how it happened."

And thank goodness he stopped trying to be a thug.

END.

* * *

And... that's it for this arc. I must say, making rhymes is a bit fun. By the way, the OC I created, Kobayashi-san, will make frequent appearances from here on out.

Anyway, KageFuego4.

Thank you for the review. It's been two weeks since I updated, right? Luckily, I made another new chapter.


	10. Chapter 10

Womp. Here's another new chapter. I churned this out after thinking about my ex. By the way, sorry for any grammatical errors.

**DISCLAIMER - I DO NOT OWN SAO NOR AM I AFFILIATED WITH IT. IF I OWNED SAO, SUGU WOULD BE KIRITO'S STEP-SISTER.**

* * *

Friendship Moments

Music Talk

After Ryoutarou's sudden announcement of his newly found girlfriend, Kazuto realized how much his friend became a lover boy. At times, he would hear him talk about how cute Ayaka was, detailing the clothes she wore and the makeup she had. Other times, he would dreamily sigh about how much he missed her.

Today was nothing different. Sitting at the bar of the Dicey Cafe, Klein was talking to Kazuto about his relationship issues.

"Man… Kaz. Today, I decided to be adventurous," Ryoutarou sighed as he drank his beer. "So while we were making out in one of the empty meeting rooms, I grabbed one of her breasts."

Kazuto almost choked on his grape juice. "What?!" he hoarsely responded, still coughing from nearly suffocating from some liquid.

"You know what she did? She pinched my nipple and almost to ripped it off, fervently whispering in my ear to call her later tonight. After that, she completely avoided me. She even walked pass me while I was waiting for her outside," he sniffed with a downcast expression. "What should I do?"

"Say sorry," Kazuto shrugged. "You basically did sexual harassment."

"W-What?! Is she going to break up with me now?!" Ryoutarou's eyes widened, filling themselves with tears.

"Yeah. It sounds like it."

"Kaz! H-How did you do it? Whenever Asuna was mad with you, what did you do?!"

"Sing her to sleep."

Of course, Kazuto was only lying. In reality, Asuna was still not talking to him. It's been over a week since and it's been killing him. However, he kept this detail hidden.

"Really? What should I sing?"

"Or actually, do you have her address?"

"Y-Yeah… Why?"

"You have a portable stereo?"

"I have a boombox."

"A what."

"A boombox! Young people are so ignorant these days," Ryoutarou sighed, shaking his head in dejection to Kazuto's lack of knowledge.

"Go outside of her place and play some love songs out loud. They should be so loud that everyone in the neighborhood could hear. If you do that, she'll totally forgive you." Unsurprisingly, Kazuto lied again.

"Really?!"

"Yeah."

"I'm going to do it right now! Thanks Kaz!"

Ryoutarou ran out, forgetting to leave a tab for Agil.

Kazuto blinked.

"I can't believe he fell for that," Kazuto mumbled as he sipped his juice quietly.

Then, he stared at Ryoutarou's abandoned drink.

"I'm not paying for that."

END.

* * *

Oh no. Kirito hasn't been talking to Asuna for over a week. What will he do? And will Klein actually be successful? Or will he fail miserably, leading to a breakup? Who knows. Just wait for the next chapter.

K. Bye.


End file.
